Horizon Fireless

chryo-dreams
Once upon a time
I walked in a winter wonderland
passed and inhaled others' exhalings
refurbished them and made them my own
all
while balancing myself
in a Pendleton upon the thin ice
we created.

Time gave birth to our distance
but impregnated me with hope
that one day
some way
we could walk together again
on the Broadway sidewalk
in front of Zambros
turn back our watches
and allow them to freeze.

Those times, thinking back, were time when I truly do
not remember being unhappy.

If Ron Pauls crazy
then I'm insane

JULY 6, 2007

I can fuck my world up
with two lips and a drug
I can turn an innocent embrace
to a devastating hug

I turn a breeze into a tornado
and overturn the settled dust
all for a few big compliments
and some falsified dizzy lust

Laugh at me jester
I'm a diamond in the dirt
a pile of gravel I shuffled over
until it made me worse.

PLAYING THE MIDDLE



He's right I play the middle
I'm not the author or their riddle
I'm just the clean-up for the Jig-saw.

October 29, 2007


For all that I've given
what have I gotten?
Am I playing the middle
Like my jester says?

Should I throw them the bullseye
or pretend that I can't
write them a prose
or a maniachal
rant?

Nobody listens anymore
'cause they're scratching
on a futile window to be heard
Should I give who I am to find it?
Say my thick skin never burns?

I am dehydrated from waiting and
exhausted from debating
whom I need and
whom I want
Am I that ungrateful
that who I am is what I flaunt?

God I know I have the strength
in Christ we are strong in you
Why do I feel that I've earned ten times over
an Almighty God-driven DEBUT??

September 24, 2007

I won't take it back
My breadcrumbs are my words
they make me follow
Dead end?......WOOOPS

I can be good
or everything only I need.
I've entertained a child for long after the show's done and gone

My fire was extinguished by my broken heart
I will comfort you in tthe web of scars
I have given up, threw in my cards
let him drown in reasons "why and why not".
He sees me boast them
then hide from my accomplishments
I am only guilty of hanging on
and over my limit
I'm waiting to have him rescue me
from the emptiness he has created.

Un-Cocky Summer....(June 14, 2007)

I used to be strong-willed
cocky and smart
now I lack courage
to finish what I start

I have transformed
into my own shadow
filled in the blanks
with plastic windows

I live in two different consciousness
neither is reality
I wear five different faces
none show my agony

I've thought about dying
what the world would lose
Choices I'd take back
If I had the chance to choose

Have I retired
to the crafted confines
of my shell
Am I living or hibernating
in this dangerous hell?

July 24, 2007
STRETCHED on CULPABILITY

My father's incapable of listening
my mom wants to understand
best friends need a follow through
while my brothers in the sand.

My life is shredded into mere pieces of hope
while I blame the ugly world
I hide behind fear that I own
and pretend I'm the victim girl

JULY 28, 2007
QUESTION: Answers unturned? Lessons unlearned?

I've got nothing to show
for the pain I've endured
I've got no proof to tell
there's a fix
not a cure

So i stall or i scramble
to keep it in place

and forget to remember
it's a gamble
not a race

So I've technically sold out
on things I've stood firm
I've watched my heart bleeding
while the question (insert title here) repeats

July 26, 2007

My wits are about me
my soul is intact

While life is unheaded
to the way I react

My "two sense" have bankrupt

CANDY ASSES

All around
upside down
the candy asses slide

You count your loss
put on lip gloss
and gulp down all your pride

JULY 24, 2007


I have no conversation
No sense of relation
no dinner with glasses of wine

Only slowing corrosion
of all that I know him
while watching our futures collide

But he'll blame the distance
on drugs and resistance
and wounds we have caused in the past

instead of upholding
the three years unfolding
while making it better and last

Through fiery depths
of the shones we have kept
secrets are painful, sick tricks

but we keep hanging on
to the time we have logged
and I'll try til my insides are sick.

Piano Speaks
GETTING A CONFESSION
FROM YOU
LIKE THAT
AT 4:00 A.M.

WAS LIKE FINDING OUT
AFTER 4 YEARS
MY FAVORITE WINE
WAS
MADE
IN A BATHTUB.

BUT, no harm done
I'll fumble on,
watching the googly-eyed girl latch her every limb
to you in public

As I watch wait wonder
give up
on my own happiness
that I'll never embrace
But I $hould pay you back
or call you sometime
but once your on the line
i'll hang up
then throw up
words in good time

A lover
I never touched
never wanted to
never will
Never=could

-Piano

LITTER BUG November 28, 2007

I struggle
and muddle
words

both pointless and strong

There're times I've cried
times I've tried
to WRITE what I've done wrong

Then the only tangible thing
one can fathom is words
Your only option for apology
can be in a letter.

One that tangles
and strangles
each and every angle
you were ever proud of.

And still I find it to be........................


LITTER AMONGST LITERATURE.

8-22-07

Deplorable

I've succomb to what I despise
I've grown into my own demise

I taste my own surprise
I predict a compromise

My eyes dim at morning light
I've stifled my own delight
until the day i sacrifice
the hole I've come to like

All the wills I will devise
by passing on I'll realize
I should follow my own advice
but advice of mine will not suffice.

There are times when I hide
times that I divide
the life I am heeding
and security needing
I struggle but can't decide

I feel like I'm choking
the ideals life's provoking
and choices I just can't abide

My outsides adorable
my insides deplorable
can you see black through my chest?

Because my life is in shambles
saturated in rambles
how will I surpass this test.

Bio-MOM Part II
____________________________________________

So if God told her to hold me
but for free she gladly sold me
then I'm casted aside
and barely alive

these days.

But if I'm holding her hand
my brother's in the sand
dying for freedom
that I've never needed
and once again silent he lays.

MY BROTHER'S KEEPER

I'm sorry she hurt you
and couldn't succomb
to the mother she needed to be

I wanted to guide you
and sit down beside you
and show you that one day you'd see

that the seeds she has planted
will never be granted
with any the gifts that they need.

ALIBI for LIARS

You've changed your alibi
from this to that
without tipping its obvious
you wear many hats

You've left all the pieces
so I'd solve the puzzle

By silencing truths
and applying a muzzle

to words left unspoken
a biological token
you think can't expire
but your pants are on fire

So I bleed out the truth
of the thoughts from my youth

envisioning a white horse on its steed.....
and the queen that it carried
reality buried
when drinking and drugs were her creed.